A good question came in the other day: Have you actually cured someone with lifelong premature ejaculation?

I am skeptical after trying everything...

Thanks, kryptoblogger1227 - and your scepticism is understandable.

If you've been battling with PE for a while, and then you see people like me saying 'here's the solution for lasting longer in bed', you're going to question that.

Absolutely.

My take on this: the vast majority of guys who struggle with lifelong or primary premature ejaculation are missing skills.

We either don't know that we could be doing sex differently, or we know but something stops us - we keep defaulting to old ways, OR we're trying things that don't work.

One way or another, we're staying stuck in the loop of frustration, awkwardness, must do better next time, etc.

And that's not a criticism of any man.

Premature ejaculation is tricky, lifelong PE is even trickier.

And it's not easy to figure this stuff out when we feel like we're the problem.

I've worked with men who found it difficult to penetrate their partners, they would come during foreplay or within seconds of intercourse; much sooner than they desired.

And they were able to overcome this - relaxation and acclimatisation to sensation, being able to ride those initial waves of pleasure is key here.

Gradually realising for themselves that their own bodies can do this - and then starting to build trust in this moving forwards.

And guys who were already able to last a bit longer, maybe a minute or two; they were seeking more sexual satisfaction - they found it.

Yes PE can have multiple causes - sometimes it's physical, sometimes it's more in our heads, and usually there's the tension in our relationships too, the pressure to 'perform' and satisfy our partners..

Some guys are wired to come sooner than others.

They might need to develop their skills a little more than others, and maintain these skills moving forwards.

That's why sex expert Ian Kerner says there's no cure for premature ejaculation.

Your inclination towards coming sooner might always be there, we can't change that wiring.

But we can manage it and reign it in.

Find out more about my practical self-help course for men: https://bangontime.info/self-help-course/ Bang On Time and the information provided by Jason Dean are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or sexual health conditions.

Although Jason Dean is a psychotherapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice.

Always consult your doctor before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.

Michael Castleman image: MichaelCastleman, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons

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